Dear Diary, it's me Donald

Don Junior, aka Cocaine Fredo, Baby Barron and E E Elon keep trying to tell me that crypto is great. Sir crypto currency makes it easier to move money and it’s a good investment. The dollar should move to the crypto standard.

I don’t get it. But they made me speak at some crypto conference and I told these guys – they’re all guys, like nerdy dorky guys that I used to shove into lockers – that I will be the crypto President. The dorks loved this and donated to me. A lot. A lot a lot. Now I hear their fake money is worth a lot of real money.

But you know what they donated? Cash. Not crypto. Turns out you can’t use crypto to buy anything except for drugs which explains why Cocaine Fredo and Rocket Man love it. Elon I call him big rocket man or electric rocket man. I’m working on it. It’s gotta demean him a little bit but not enough that he’ll notice. Wiggy Rocket Man?

I asked Ivanka if she knows anything about crypto. Waiting for her to call me back.