Catheter
The doc told me I need a catheter. Not for any medical reasons but as a way to save time. Do you know how much time you spend peeing? There’s going feeling the urge, walking to the bathroom, looking under each stall, unzipping, waiting, peeing, re-zipping, pretending to wash your hands and don’t even get me started on the flushing. I’m flushing like 5 or 6 times.
They made me visit a doc. He had me a draw a clock. Then I told him I’m too busy to be peeing. He, very smart guy, top of his class, tells me he can take care of that for me. You gonna piss for me doc? No, no, he’s says he’d be honored to hold my piss but medical ethics prevents it. Instead he puts this catheter in me. Now I’m peeing all the time.
On the phone with Putin. I’m pissing. Telling South Korea that I’m going to send a letter. I’m pissing. I don’t even feel it. It gets a little warm around my ankle but that’s fine.
And the best part is, remember my Diet Coke button? Well, now when I press that in come some nurse and she takes my piss. Everyone should get a catheter. Such a time saver. She kinda looks like Ivanka.
By the way, the doc says I drew the best clock. He’s never seen a clock like it before.