Dear Diary, it's me Donald

Rudy keeps calling. I finally answered. Oh Donald you’re the best. Oh Donald see how I helped. Then he asked to get paid. I’m not paying him. Maybe a pardon. Never liked him. He married his cousin.

Most people don’t know that but it’s true. Rudy Giuliani married his cousin. And they had kids. Rudy Giuliani had sex with his cousin. I’m not making this up. You can look it up. Real sick guy but he was useful for a bit. Until his hair starting melting. What the hell was that? I think he might be the one with the brain parasite.

Anyway now when someone asks I tell them he once was once great, he was America’s mayor but now I don’t know him. He changed. No idea. Haven’t spoken to him in decades.

He ended the call telling me what a beauty Ivanka is and can I have a pardon. She is a beauty. Maybe I’ll pardon him but I’m not hiring his inbred kid again.