Dear Diary, it's me Donald

The fake news can’t even get this right. Time says I’m man of the year. Oh goodie. I guess it’s sort of correct but really I’m man of the century. The 20th Century has never seen anyone as impressive as me.

But I’ll take it. It’s OK. Alright, it’s pretty cool. And I didn’t even know Time magazine was still a thing. I wonder where my football phone went. Oh, I think I threw it at Don Jr because he’s a shit. What can I say? He wanted to play catch.

Speaking of Cocaine Fredo I sent his ex to Greece. How great of a dad am I? My dad never sent any of my exes out of the country. The best he ever did for me was tell me that he was glad he didn’t call me Fred Jr. I was 3. What the heck? I mean… I guess I did tell Cocaine Fredo that too. But I made it up to him by sending that face, oh my god, that giant mouth on that woman, it was like looking into the Lincoln tunnel when she spoke, to Greece.

I’m going to send Ivanka a couple of copies to show her that her daddy is man of the year. Jared’s not even a man with that weird voice.