Dear Diary, it's me Donald

Some reporter asked me what I am looking forward to most on my return to the whitehouse. I said something about making america great again. Again. But the thing I look forward to the most is my diet coke button. Really. It’s a button on my desk. I press it and some shine brings me a diet coke. I’m going to see if Elon will add it to his gay little cars.

How can I get Elon to get Ivanka pregnant? As President it’s in the national interest that I watch.